This Is Tariff-ick

Just in case there’s anybody who has ever really wondered
what it feels like to be looted, pillaged, raped, and also plundered:
that’s what’s happening to us, based on imbalances in trading.
A failed plan by Smoot and Hawley I will now be reinstating.

I’ll restore us to a Golden Age, bucolic days of glory,
by imposing worldwide tariffs that I call “retaliatory.”
For too long we’ve all been ripped off, so I’m heightening awareness;
if this means that prices go up, well… y’know – I couldn’t care less.

I announced all these assessments on each country in a chart;
and the world’s response was like when you’re in church, and there’s a fart.
All the markets quickly tumbled, and economists were leery
of this plan I’ve put in place based on a highly-suspect theory.

I claim tariffs will raise trillions, just by following a path
that I have laid out with a formula that’s based on faulty math.
So, from all of this kerfuffle, there’s one thing you should conclude:
looted, pillaged, raped, and plundered – add to that: you’ve now been screwed.