Promises Brayed

I promised, if elected, that the price of eggs would go no higher.
Years ago, if California listened – there’d now be no fire.
I don’t know about those law enforcement agents being purged.
I would have to swim to see that plane and copter now submerged.

I’ve flown in an aircraft; therefore, I’m skilled in aerodynamics.
Just by looking, I can spot the criminals among Hispanics.
I froze all those grants and loans to show how bigly I oppose them,
just to prove who’s boss – then only two days later, I unfroze them.

You work for the government? Here’s eight months’ pay and benefits –
just look out for that swinging exit door as your behind it hits.
While in the midst of tragedy, with people asking “How?” and “Why?”
my common sense assures me it can all be blamed on DEI.

I’ve called for deportations, and with great dispatch we will proceed.
I sent an emissary down to Venezuela, which agreed
to take back captured migrants; very hastily they will be sent.
We bargained with Maduro, whose most current term is fraudulent.

O Canada: without our massive subsidies you’d cease to be,
so why not join us as a state? This certainly makes sense to me.
I’m sure you’d quickly readjust to each American’s routine
and, in return, our school lunch menus now will all include poutine.

As our country enters this new Golden Age, there might be pain –
though not for me and all those billionaires who bankrolled my campaign.
I’ve just proclaimed no longer will our country be described as “stupid.”
Yet – who put us in this sad state? If you voted for me: you did.