A Pregnant Pause

If you find that you’re currently eating for two,
let me share an unfounded opinion with you:
“Don’t take Tylenol, don’t take it,” I declared twice.
Never mind what the doctors say – that’s my advice.

Tylenol is a brand name, whose active ingredient
I cannot pronounce. But its use? Inexpedient.
Who told me to sound this alarm? Bobby, Junior.
He made this call based on not facts, but a rumor.

As for studies we offered as proof – there were none.
(Whereas research to prove that it’s safe? There’s a ton.)
When you’re pregnant, just “tough it out” when you’re in pain.
(The opinion of doctors here isn’t germane.)

Another aside that I used to astonish:
no Cuban autism, and none with the Amish,
because of the pills and vaccines they don’t take.
(It, of course, was revealed these assertions are fake.)

Perhaps I should mention that I am the fellah
who said a vaccine (Measles, Mumps, and Rubella)
all jammed into one shot is quite an ordeal
for our beautiful babies – based on what I feel.

We all have our theories; I think mine are valid,
though my explanations are full of word salad.
The worst that can happen? It’s nothing, I say –
other than chaos due to my naïveté.