Trump, In Verse

I laid out a long, red carpet, and exchanged a hearty handshake –
not some wussy one, but robust – like the kind a real man makes.
Vlad was welcomed to our country, even though accused of war crimes.
(I relate, since I’m a felon: in my case, some thirty-four times.)

Still, I met with Russia’s president and told him, “Vlad, the sooner we
agree on terms to end all this Ukrainian buffoonery,
the sooner we’ll be recognized as influential statesmen –
waiting for the Nobel Peace Prize that most certainly awaits them.”

Vlad said, “Donnie, you’re correct – although, your plan has got a hitch in it:
we must take the Russian border and quite boldly reposition it.
There are sections of Ukraine ripe for relabelling as ‘Russian’.
That’s my final word, no more to say, the end of the discussion.”

I said, “Vlad, let’s talk about it as we travel in my limo.
What do you want from Zelenskyy? You tell me, and I’ll let him know
what you’re thinking – while I babble on, and throw in some head-faking,
to obscure the real purpose of this deal that we are making.”

Vlad is former KGB, and oft accused of sucker-punchin’.
We got on well – though I ditched the plans that we’d made for a luncheon.
I had tamped down expectations, saying this talk was rehearsal
for more substantive discussions. And then came a stark reversal.

I’d made statements in advance: upon a ceasefire I’d insist. Yet –
within hours – Putin’s viewpoint was one I could not resist. Let
me be clear: I switch positions based on which way winds are whirling.
Face to face with Vladimir: it’s less resolve and more fan-girling.

Once ensconced back in the White House, on the next day came Zelenskyy.
Last time ‘round it was contentious; this time, much more as if friends. We
saw he’d ditched the combat gear, and wore the suit he was last missing.
Didn’t have to dress him down, since now his focus was ass-kissing.

Other European leaders came along, to give him backing.
They supplied the gravitas that I, again, was clearly lacking.
I went off on several tangents, unrelated to the battle.
They all sat and smiled wanly as they listened to my prattle.

I’ve already ended six wars (by my count); this one – when added –
will enhance my splendid résumé (the one that has been padded
with awards and honors I made up and were not really granted).
Hey, while Vlad was in the “Beast” – how many bugs you think he planted?

You know, crazy as it sounds – I think that Putin wants to make
a deal with me, I told Macron; more icing slathered on this cake.
A path to peace is something that remains unclear; one we’ve not yet seen.
But what is clear is the headlines now refer much less to Epstein.