Trump, In Verse

I had a bunch of soldiers march, to celebrate the Army.
‘Twas its birthday (also mine) in a most fortunate confluence
of events. I made it clear that if you threaten us with harm, we
will defeat you… in Los Angeles, where protests quickly grew tense.

I’ve made claims that I could settle wars by merely snapping fingers.
Just a day or so to bring peace and an end to stormy weather.
Yet division between Russians and Ukrainians still lingers,
and it seems within the Middle East, there’s chaos altogether.

So instead, I chose to wage a war because of immigration,
sending troops to California in a method some find dubious,
making claims of mass invasion by illegals to our nation
(which is not borne out by facts; I’ve got my head right up my gluteus).

If it wasn’t for those bone spurs that prevented my enlistment,
I’d have proudly served my country with integrity and virtue.
But instead, from any battlefront, I managed to stay distant.
And if you protest against me, I’ve made clear that I will hurt you.

I keep trumpeting: if not for me, we wouldn’t have a country.
I ignore the Constitution while still bragging I’m defending it.
It’s our semiquincentennial this year. To state it bluntly:
I’m not focusing on freedom but, instead, on ways of ending it.