Trump, In Verse

I’m certain the National Zoo has gone “woke” –
so I’ve issued an order (and this is no joke):
we will make sure the science they practice – zoology –
is stripped of all anti-U.S. ideology.

Let’s start with the pandas: since they are Chinese,
they’ll get hit with a tariff for their bamboo leaves.
And goodbye to any hermaphrodite species;
the thought of trans-animals sure makes me queasy.

Now, here’s an American bird: the flamingo.
U.S.-born and -bred – now you’re talking my lingo.
But I’m not too sure about left-coast sea lions:
they’re from California, so don’t get my buy-in.

Those DEI-hire bears – the black and the brown ones –
must go; only white polar bears. There… I found one.
And children should not have to see naked mole-rats –
put clothes on ‘em, Mike Johnson says; must control that.

A woke zoo’s not worthy of our admiration,
so farewell to woke – and hello, hibernation.
To thin out these flawed herds may seem an absurd drain,
but keep in mind who thought this plan up: a birdbrain.