Royally Screwed

“LONG LIVE THE KING!” I’ve just declared – of course, I’m only kidding.
Although… the more I think of it, the title’s only fitting.
I made the reference as I killed New York’s congestion pricing;
to don a crown and wrap a robe around me seems enticing.

Now, in the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
Since I am followed blindly and have two eyes, here’s the thing:
that means I’m twice as noble and exceptionally regal,
so therefore there is nothing I can do that is illegal.

“L’État, c’est moi” is often said, by those who speak in French.
If I said this out loud – Good God! You’d *hear* the butt cheeks clench.
If I were to be king, then I would have to name a jester –
but not for laughs; I’d make him find Liz Cheney and arrest her.

“An unlearned king is but an ass, with head topped by a crown.”
I’m not too sure who said this – but I don’t want them around.
“Kings will fight for empires, whereas madmen for applause.”
It’s quite clear I’m the latter; clap as I ignore all laws.