Trump, In Verse

You all remember Juan Valdez.
Who’s comin’ for him? Me, your Prez.
I’ll roust him from where he is hidin’ –
stick that in your coffee, Biden.

Colombia’s head guy complains
we’d send their people back in chains;
we wouldn’t let them pee or drink
(we’re not obliged to, I don’t think).

I argued with Gustavo Petro,
threatening tariffs from the get-go.
Claimed I got the guy to back down
from objections to my crackdown.

The thing here you may not have heard:
in years past, these same flights occurred.
Back under Biden there were plenty;
registered complaints? Not many.

What’s different now from back then? Mainly,
Biden treated them humanely.
My position: You’re illegal?
You’ll be handled like you’re evil.

I, of course, claimed I’d prevailed
right after Petro’d been assailed.
Now, let’s resume the coffee trade –
despite this fucking mess I’ve made.