The Fix Is In

WOMEN ARE NOW POORER, SICKER, LESS SAFE AND DEPRESSED.
(Overturning Roe v. Wade meant your rights were suppressed.)
I’LL PROTECT ALL WOMEN AT A LEVEL NEVER SEEN.
(Just as long as they are not considered epicene).
YOUR LIVES WILL BE HAPPY, BEAUTIFUL, AND GREAT AGAIN!
(Since I’ve made it very clear I won’t debate again.)
THINKING OF ABORTION? YOU’LL NO LONGER HAVE THOSE THOUGHTS.
(Paying for your IVF? My promise is ersatz.)
POWERFUL EXCEPTIONS – JUST LIKE RONNIE, I’LL INSIST.
(Well, except in states where it’s been ruled they can’t exist.)
I WILL FIX WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, AND DO IT REALLY FAST.
(My respect for women, as you know, is unsurpassed.)
OPTIMISM, CONFIDENCE, AND HAPPINESS ARE LESS.
(Think *I* can restore them? You perhaps should reassess.)
WOMEN WILL BE HAPPY, HEALTHY, CONFIDENT AND FREE!
(Just as long as this election spells the end of me.)