Trump, In Verse

THERE WILL BE NO THIRD DEBATE! I won the first two (small) hands down.
Of course, I would have won the next as well: debating’s Triple Crown.
The pundits say I lost the one on ABC; I say ‘twas rigged. We
all know I’m the greatest at debating – therefore I won, bigly.

Kamala – or, as I call her, Comrade Harris – is a Marxist.
(Cats and dogs are being eaten, ending their meows and barks.) It’s
clear I vanquished Crooked Joe; then Kamala stepped in the ring –
and cleaned my clock, a TKO (which I won’t cede for anything).

I stood upon the stage and told a bunch of brazen lies in Philly;
some of them were harmful, some were boasts, and some were outright silly.
I was told to keep myself in check, not go off on a tangent;
yet into that danger zone I cast aside wise counsel and went.

I keep quoting polls that say I won; all are unscientific –
but, as long as they skew in my favor, I think they’re terrific.
I can claim that I prevailed – but into tumult I was goaded.
Time will tell if this means that my candidacy has imploded.