Hail Felon Well Met

Bring on the grits, and collard greens, and sweet potato pie.
No one has done more for you Black Americans than I.
Please serve me some fried chicken and a slice of watermelon.
You folks have sure embraced me – I’m your favorite almost-felon.

Plenty of your people wear my mug shot on a tee.
What’s happened to your faction is now happening to me.
Because I’m charged with crimes, I’ve got most Black folk now behind me –
including Frederick Douglass. (Is he living still? Remind me.)

You can’t vote for Joe Biden – he’s a racist; nasty, vicious.
That’s worse than anything I ever did they call seditious.
I spoke to Black conservatives. The room lights shone so bright,
I said, “I just see Black folks!” to this gathering’s delight.

Past comments on the Five from Central Park, also George Floyd,
would make it seem I’m someone Black electors would avoid.
I got a warm reception from this conclave I addressed –
but how the hell could they buy-in when I say I’m oppressed?